..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
