Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
