Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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