If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
