You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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