I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
