NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
