i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
