I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
