The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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