Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
