Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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