I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
