I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The air taste purple.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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