Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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