masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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