Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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