we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
