My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
