My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
