you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
