just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
