Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
