Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
