It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
