trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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