that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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