im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
