you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
