I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
