I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
