I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
