Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
