I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
