Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
