I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
