Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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