you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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