I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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