I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize