I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
