there's paper in my vomit.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
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and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
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He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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