nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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