And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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