All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
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Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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