I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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