I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
