she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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