HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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