at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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