Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
