Someone shit on the floor
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
