I think my vagina is haunted
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
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Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
be right there i have to get my cape
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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