when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
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