I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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