Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
