Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
In other news, I just burned my penis
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
