hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
