i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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