Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
