I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
