I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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