If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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