I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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