my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
