i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
